Insane Final Fantasy Mixup
by Sieryu
Summary: My friends and I end up in Spira and take on Yunas' quest after we accidentally kill her and her guardians...
1. Press 'Start' to begin game

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Written by ME!!! Sieryu  
  
All the FF characters and classes and characters DO NOT belong to me, they belong to a mighty fine company called Squaresoft.  
  
Lets start already!!!! Whoooop!!!  
  
Oops, I almost forgot, (::…::) means authors note  
  
*characters action*  
  
Now, as they say, ON WITH THE SHOW!!!  
  
YEAH!!!! my second chapter!!! i hope ya'll like it, i promise more to come...  
  
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CHAPTER TWO: YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN!!!YOU ARE OFF TO A BETTER PLACE…  
  
"We now have reason to believe that you four are the Chosen Saviors, sent here to defeat evil in any form it may take", the High Priest told us.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOO, Chosen Saviors, that's such a cool name" Felicia glowered with excitement.  
  
"So, any questions or needs, o chosen ones?"  
  
"One question, how much do we get paid for all of this stuff, you know, saving the world isn't that easy…" asked Ben.  
  
"Oh, well, we are prepared to give you all the treasure in the land, and a cool looking statue of yourselves in public meeting places and stuff, and your own CD label, and if the CD is a hit, a clothing line" replied the priest.  
  
*Looking at each other, whispering*  
  
"Drop the label, statues, and clothes, and add 'catering to our every whim'" Felicia spoke up, the spokesperson for the group.  
  
"Actually, one more thing, *twitch* err, must…..resist *twitch* AHAHAHAHAHA *twitch* WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA" I blurted.  
  
*thwap*  
  
"owwy…"  
  
"Sorry, our Black Mage has a dark, evil, maniacal side to him that tends to….take over sometimes" explained Felicia.  
  
"Well then, if that is all, I'll show you to your rooms at the nearby inn" motioned the somewhat nervous High Priest.  
  
"I'm *twitch* tired, lets *yawn* go too bed (::seeing as it is 1:45 in the A.M. after morp, while watching Inuyasha, this seems good about know::)  
  
"HOLIDAY INN!?!?!?! THEY HAVE HOLIDAY INNS AND THE CHOSEN SAVIORS HAVE TO STAY IN A FUGGING HOLIDAY INN??" I yelled, really pissed off.  
  
"Only one room left…" said the clerk, handing me the room key. We got to the room and opened the door.  
  
"Oh fug…only two beds…" I said sarcastically.  
  
"Oh, that reminds me, I ordered a Chibikko hammer for safety reasons, when you hit someone who is having evil or impure thoughts, it supposedly cures them" said Felicia in a half awake half asleep voice.  
  
"Damnnit"  
  
"I almost forgot!!!"  
  
*THWAP*  
  
"Stop thwapping me!!!"  
  
*THWAP*  
  
"Oh, forget it, whose gonna get the beds…" I wondered aloud and turned to see Molly and Felicia already   
  
in the beds.  
  
"Damnit"  
  
"Alright Alex, rock-paper-scissors for the couch?" asked Ben.  
  
"Bring it beyatch"  
  
"Rock…..Paper…..Scissors!!!"  
  
"I got scissors" I said to Ben.  
  
"Haha, I got rock, I win and you are the looza!"  
  
"Damnit!!!"  
  
"Oh, and Alex, no more trying to slit our throats again" Ben murmured already half asleep.  
  
"Whaaaat, it was a joke!!! Really, it was!!! *hides knife behind back*"  
  
CHAPTER THREE: SKWEAK!  
  
*Knock knock*  
  
"Delivery for…Felicia? Order of a…..Chibikko hammer?"  
  
I was the only one up when the deliveryman came at five in the morning while I was plotting for world domination, and I was NOT about to let Felicia get a hold of that damn hammer.  
  
*walk towards door*  
  
*BARK*  
  
"IEEEEEEEEEEE" I yelled, tripping over the dog  
  
*Smacks head into door*  
  
"DAMNIT ALL!!!" I cursed, holding my bruised forehead while Felicia signed for the package, I had failed.  
  
"Alrighty!!! Let's test this out. Think of an impure, naughty thought"   
  
"oh, umm, ooooooo, I got it" *smiles*  
  
*BAM*  
  
"So, any more bad thoughts?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Oooh, heres why, I forgot to grip it the right way. Think again of that image"  
  
*grin*  
  
*SKWEAK*  
  
"DAMNIT, STOP HURTING ME ALREADY!!!DAMNITDAMNITDAMNIT!!!!!" I cried out in rage.  
  
"Did it work?  
  
*grins larger* "no"  
  
*SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK *  
  
"ow, ow, ow, ow, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS EVIL AND CRUEL IN THIS WORLD WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP HITTING ME WITH THAT INFERNAL MALLET!!!! I WASN'T EVEN THE ONE WHO SAW THE 'IN HOUSE MOVIE' LAST NIGHT!!!" *cough BEN cough*.  
  
"Whaaaaaat? I couldn't sleep!" said Ben sheepishly (::baaa::)  
  
"Good morning!!!" Molly had slept through the chibikko incident and was just now coming out of her coma like state.  
  
"OOOOOOOO, hammer. Whaddus it do?" Molly asked"  
  
*Felicia: grin*  
  
"O ye gods…" I said to myself bracing for the pain.  
  
*SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK*  
  
"I think I'm going to order breakfast in the room…" said Ben, tuning out the gruesome spectacle of cruel and unusual punishment and tuning in to the Anime channel, which just happened to be playing a Rurouni Kenshin/Love Hina/Gundam Wing marathon.  
  
"Life is good" said Ben.  
  
"DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!"  
  
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Thanx 4 reading!! plz dont be too harsh if u review! its only my second chapter... 


	2. cannot think of good title'

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Hello hello, I'm back for a second round at ye old final fantasy fanfic  
  
I don't think this will be my best one yet, but it might give you some  
  
shits and giggles. It kinda gets a little depressing at the end, but pretty much the same,  
  
*characters action*  
  
(::my thoughts/comments::)  
  
oh, before I forget, a legal disclaimer  
  
the classes, some things, some places, and some people belong to squaresoft so nyah  
  
Thanks for reading,  
  
Sieryu  
  
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CHAPTER 1: YUM YUM YUM  
  
*Yawn*  
  
"'Mornin" I said, waking from a pleasant sleep to see Felicia standing over my head.  
  
Felicia: *gives me 'the look of death'*  
  
"What did I..."  
  
*SKWEAK*  
  
"Mother of... what did you do that for???"  
  
"You *hand quotation marks* 'rolled over' on me last night!!!"  
  
"How could I have rolled over on you when BEN AND I WERE FORCED TO SLEEP IN THE HALLWAY!?!?!?"  
  
"Hehe, oops, sorry about that, I get carried away sometimes"  
  
*SKWEAK*  
  
"That was just incase you DID do something last night"  
  
"Lets go get some breakfast"  
  
*go downstairs*  
  
"Hey guys, what took you so long??" Molly asked Felicia and I as we came down  
  
"Yeah, we already ate" said Ben, from what I thought was a pile of plates, was actually scarfing down his 10th plate of food.  
  
*all eat really fast*  
  
"AHHHHH, that was some goooooood eatin" Ben and I sat back, relaxing after decimating the restaurants breakfast supply.  
  
"Your bill" said our waiter  
  
*All look at check*  
  
*jaw drop*  
  
*look at each other*  
  
"How are we going to pay for all of this? I'm all out" said Molly  
  
*Ben and I: grin*  
  
"We'll be right back, just say we went to go get the money out of the room  
  
*walk out the door*  
  
"Wait, I thought they were going to the room..."  
  
CHAPTER 2: ASSAULTING THE ELDERLY  
  
"Hehe, where's the nearest *twitch* old folks place?" I asked  
  
"Apparently in here" Ben said because, very conveniently, there was nursing home in front of our hotel  
  
*Walk in*  
  
"GIVE US ALL OF YOUR GOLD BEFORE WE FRY YOU AND PUT YOU ON A STICK!!!" Ben yelled over a megaphone that he stole from the front desk  
  
"I say we fry them anyway" I suggested  
  
"What was that sonny? you want to suck my..."  
  
"KUSO!!! NEVER!!! DIE OLD FOOL!!!" Ben yelled, slicing the man into ribbons  
  
*picks up room key and wallet*  
  
"Dam!!! This guy is LOADED!!!" Ben said while rooting through the mans' wallet  
  
"MORE FRIED OLD PEOPLE ON THE WAY!!!" I yelled, casting Bolt 3 on each of the residents in turn  
  
*Ben: walks around, picking up wallets and room keys*  
  
A LITTLE WHILE LATER...  
  
"Were baaaaack!!!" Ben and I said, walking into the restaurant  
  
"Yays!!!" said Molly. We paid the bill and walked out into the busy street  
  
"Whoa, look at that building across the street, it looks like it got struck by a lot of lightning" said Felicia  
  
*Ben and I: whistle*  
  
"We have a lot of money left so why don't we..." I was going to suggest buy an airship, but Molly and Felicia had taken the gold and run into a clothing store  
  
"OUR MONEY!!!!!" Ben and I yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"  
  
CHAPTER 3: WE HAVE LIFTOFF, I REPEAT, WE HAVE LIFTOFF  
  
"Why Gods, why" Ben sat on a chair, saddened by the loss of our hard-earned gold  
  
"Hey, you should be happy! You got a sword! All I got was a stupid stick that someone wrote 'magic wand' on"  
  
"Yeah, really, I got a WOODEN SWORD"  
  
*swings sword*  
  
*sword breaks*  
  
"oh my god Ben, look down the street" I said, no longer angry  
  
*Ben: gasp*  
  
*Felicia: GASP*  
  
*Molly: wha?*  
  
*random French guy: le gasp*  
  
"AIRSHIPS!!!" We all said and rushed over to the dealership (::hehe dealerSHIP airSHIP hehe::)  
  
"Hiyaal! Welcome to honest Joe's airship lot! We have over..."  
  
"We don't care about all that crap, we want the biggest, baldest, most kick-assist airship ever built, and make it cheap too..."  
  
"Well, for what you described, you want the Wing Zero model"  
  
"OOOOOOOOO, WING ZERO" We stared, "show it to us!!!"  
  
*points to beat up, scarred pile of junk*  
  
"hehe, seriously"  
  
"that's it, for the price you described that is, unless you want to enter our contest that is"  
  
"Whaddo we get?"  
  
"You get a brand-new, top-of-the-line, never-before-seen-in-public Sieryu   
  
(::nudge nudge wink wink::) model!!!"  
  
"Cool, I'm entering" I said. In the end, (::it doesn't even matter::) Ben, Felicia, and I decided to enter.  
  
"So, what do we have to do?" we asked  
  
"There are three trials, I will take you to the first" the man replied and took us to a shooting gallery.  
  
"Why are we at the shooting range?" Ben asked  
  
"for the first trial, you must balance croquet mallets on your toes while singing a song and play an elaborate musical tune on a tissue, all under heavy AK-47 fire  
  
"Hehe, seriously" Felicia said, very nervous  
  
*loading of rifles*  
  
"Uh, I don't think he's kidding" I said, taking my tissue and mallet  
  
Several hours later  
  
"If I ever hear the word 'octopus', im going to kill the person who said it" said Ben, exhausted by the trials  
  
"Oh yeah? I got four words for you, eel up my robe, not a very pleasant experience" said Felicia  
  
"I GET TO FLY THE AIRSHIP FIRST!!!" I said, taking the keys and jumping into the ship  
  
"Uh oh" said Molly, Felicia, and Ben, jumping into the ship  
  
CHAPTER 4: HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM  
  
"Where do you want to go?" I asked  
  
"Lets go see the high priest that sent us on this stupid mission so we can kill him and go home" suggested Ben  
  
*all: stare*  
  
"It was a suggestion..."  
  
"Lets go get some Espers" suggested Felicia  
  
"YAYAYAYA!!!" chimed Molly, waking from her nap  
  
"I know just the place!" I said  
  
*pulls up co-ordinates on the ships computer*  
  
*Puts ship on autopilot*  
  
"Now, we are here *points to red dot* and we need to go here *points to blue dot*"  
  
"OOOOOO, pretty dot..." said Ben  
  
"NEXT SLIDE!!!"  
  
*computer changes to next screen showing a mountain and its stats*  
  
"Im going to land the ship at the top, and we can work our way down from the top, any questions?"  
  
"Uhhh...what was my question?.... OH! I got..."  
  
"NEXT SLIDE!!!" I interrupted Molly  
  
*Picture changes to dirty images*  
  
"HEY WOW, you weren't supposed to see that!" I yelled, turning off the projector  
  
*Felicia: grin*  
  
"oh no..."  
  
*SKWEAK SKWEAK SKWEAK*  
  
"That'll teach you"  
  
"HOW DARE YOU DESACRATE THIS HOLY PLACE?????" a demonic voice outside on the deck  
  
"Shit man!!! That must be Phantom" i said, rushing out onto the deck  
  
"Phantom??? What the hell is a Phantom?" said everybody else, being less cultured in the ways of Esperology (::that is a word, as of now::)  
  
"Just follow me!" I yelled, pulling them out after me  
  
CHAPTER 5: SAY HELLO TO THE GRIM REAPER  
  
"Aim for the glowing eyes! AND WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LET HIM VANISH!" I said, forming my party against the foe  
  
*Phantom: vanishes*  
  
"Like that?" said Molly  
  
"Yes, like that Molly" I said  
  
"What do we do now?" asked Ben, looking around  
  
"You and I randomly cast magic around, hoping to hit him, and Molly can summon or....nap" I said, looking at Molly, sleeping, with her dog curled at her feet  
  
"heeeeeere little Esper wesper, heeeeere Esper Esper" Ben tried  
  
*BOOOOOOOM!!!!!!* An explosion rocked the ship  
  
"You guys handle it up here, I'll fly the ship" I said, running inside  
  
"Sure, no problem, lets just kill an invisible enemy..."  
  
*BOOOOM!!!!* Another explosion hit  
  
"Uh, guys, there are Fiends in the ship" I said  
  
"WHAT???" Ben and Felicia yelled  
  
"Get inside, and drag Molly with you, we need her alive" I said, closing the comm channel  
  
"We have about....900 Fiends coming in a breach in the cargo hold" I said, showing the map of the cargo hold and all the Fiends  
  
"Holy shit!!! How are we going to get off? We cant fight them! The escape vehicles are in the back!" Felicia raved  
  
"ALL DOORS HAVE BEEN SEALED" the ships computer said  
  
"Damnit!, these are no ordinary fiends! They re-wired the circuitry so all the doors wont open..."  
  
*SKREEEEEEEEEK*  
  
"...and to top it all off, they are tearing down the door" I said  
  
"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO????" Felicia said, getting nervous  
  
"Hi guys! looks like you need some help" A young woman with long blue hair appeared in the ship  
  
"B....B..Bo...BOTON?!?!?!?!?!?!" (::sorry if this is the wrong spelling::) I gasped  
  
"Yea!"  
  
*turns around, gives peace sign and smiles, anime style*  
  
"I can teleport you guys out of here, call it a....favor to an old friend" Boton said, glancing at me  
  
"Well, I don't know..." Ben started  
  
"Guys, I see some claws through the door!!!" I yelled "Get us outta here Boton!!"  
  
"Grab my hand (you know, its been a long time...) Boton whispered in my ear  
  
"NOT NOW!!! Everybody, grab her hands!!!"  
  
CHAPTER 6: THE SEPARATION  
  
"Ooooooog, Boton, where did you take us?" I awoke with a throbbing headache  
  
"Yomi, and sorry about your friends, they must not be used to trans-dimensional travel"  
  
*looks at everybody else, all unconscious*  
  
"I don't think you ever took me here"  
  
"Well, you can only come here on certain conditions" said Boton  
  
"Oooooo, where are we? Molly said, awakening next, Felicia and Ben following  
  
*explains where we are*  
  
"You see these doors?" Boton pointed to walls of doors "They each take you to a different dimension and place in the dimension"  
  
"Cool" said Molly  
  
"Well, there's only one problem... you have to be dead"  
  
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That's it for this episode, sorry for all the doom and gloom , but I had to put it in SOMEWHERE  
  
Next time, watch the fun results of possessing people, a moose in suggestive poses, and other fun stuff  
  
I NEED YOUR HELP!!!  
  
Should we go to:  
  
A) A reverse world  
  
B) Another FF game (snes FF)  
  
C) A totally different RPG game  
  
email me or contact me somehow, I NEED INPUT BEFORE I CAN START A SEQUEL!!!  
  
CONTEST TIME!!!!!  
  
if you can tell me what game this is from, (no hints, bribes however...) you get a good surprise  
  
(::DONT TRY TO GOOGLE IT, I TRIED THAT ALREADY::)  
  
Go! Go! Buriki-Daiou!!  
  
Ima ha mukash-no-Babironia  
  
Hagane-no-ken ga Ten wo tsu-ku  
  
Igata-no-mashin wo taosu-tame  
  
Ikari de hi wo tomose  
  
Atsui-kokoro ga yobisamasu  
  
Burigi-Daiou ware-to-ari  
  
Thanx for reading!  
  
Peace out ya'll  
  
Sieryu  
  
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End file.
